I tried to hold onto a schedule this morning, but I actually overslept. So my morning was a bit messy, but I’ll try again tomorrow ;). My intention for today was to let go of the fact that my hair falling out is bothering me. I keep trying to tell myself that it will stop falling out and I keep making stories in my head about that when it does all fall out, how bad it would be. The truth is, and somewhere I always know this (even when my head goes on a journey), that I don’t know if it will keep falling out and that I can trust myself that when it does, I will always find a way to handle it. I just don’t know how yet, but if it happens, it will be fine.
So I went to the big tree this afternoon (there was a really nice pink flower I was sitting right in front of) and I decided to read in Be Happier Than The Dalai Lama. I read the stories of people who had seen the benefits of using Reiki/Sin-Do and woman told a story about how her dad got cancer. The whole family went through the process together and it changed the family in an amazing way. The story is actually not very important for now (even though it is very relatable), because I read a part she wrote about how it usually goes when someone gets cancer (and a prognosis) that motivated me a lot:
‘We say: ‘’Take my challenge, please fix it for me, because I’m afraid to accept that there are emotions, environments, learned patterns, addictive behavior, anger, resentment, guilt, etc. That I don’t know how to handle.’’ We act like children with no tools of our own and we need a doctor-parent who guides us down our path of healing.’
It motivated me a lot while reading it and made me think, ‘what patterns am I still holding on to that don’t fit my natural way of being…?’. Immediately I got the feeling of having to do something and I realized that I am now in a place that is going to help me get to my natural way of being, and that the only thing I ‘have’ to do, is allowing it to happen by dropping the control.
I noticed that I was not feeling very good at home, because I tried to control what happened to much by thinking I had to do the right thing. This is actually why I started getting into my head a LOT and I now feel like I have taken a small step back (I noticed, because I feel more annoyed by people and I started to worry about what others think of me). Of course, this isn’t always a bad thing. I realize now that when I accept the fact that I’m still learning, I always will keep learning and that it is okay to ask for help with that, I feel like there is way more calmness inside my body and that I can really heal.
The pink flower in front of the tree>
After breakfast I ran into the doctor and we talked about my medicines, which have a lot of turmeric in it. He told me that they have a lot of turmeric plants and that he could show them if I would be interested (of course I was). We walked through the garden, which is 10 times as big as I thought it was! They grow all kinds of fresh herbs they use for the medicines and food, there are a lot of mango and coconut trees and a lot of cows. After walking, he told me that tomorrow we will go (also with another man who stays here) to the doctor’s teacher, so he could read my pols too to see what dosha’s are most dominant and stuff.
<The turmeric plants in the garden
So I asked the doctor about how they see the fact that a tumor gets into a specific organ, but he told me something about seven big organ systems or something, so I actually just said ‘oooh okay’ and then we continued eating haha (someday it will all make a little more sense).
Some really great things here:
- Eating with your hands
- Wearing no shoes inside
- The trees, flowers, caterpillars, butterflies, etc.
- That you can just take a fruit from the tree and eat it (it’s all very organic)
- That everyone, even the doctors and staff, eat together
- That I feel like a little child again who is running around and could look at every small thing for hours (even though everyone is relaxed but not very excited. I’m not sure how to explain it better)
(By the way, two days ago I wrote about a noise that sounded a bit like a gunshot when I woke up at night. It actually was a blast that scares the elephants and keeps them out of the village.)