How to become who I don’t want to be

What do I want/who do I want to be?

  • To be my own home
  • Traveling
  • Having heart-to-heart connections with people
  • A lot of music: playing it myself and listening to music that makes me happy
  • Rigpa
  • Feeling what food is good for me
  • Following where my heart wants to go without excuses
  • Feel the joy of life
  • Painting (for people)
  • Taking in my own space
  • Expressing everything
  • Rebel
  • Doing everything out of love
  • Be like a child
  • Being in the moment
  • Go with the flow

How to become who I don’t want to be

  • Always believe what other people say
  • Make a lot of stories out or nothing
  • Hang out with people that don’t resonate with me anymore
  • Always be comfortable
  • Don’t express any emotions
  • Do everything for money
  • Let other people walk all over me
  • Let stories define me
  • Eat either always a really strict diet, or Mcdonald’s every day
  • Follow the rules
  • Make sure everyone likes me
  • Never make jokes
  • Let the past define me
  • Never try anything new
  • Keep telling the same stories over and over again
  • Let my happiness depend on others
  • Marry a really boring guy and have boring kids in a boring village with boring neighbours
  • Stop painting since it makes you dirty
  • Always try to convince others
  • Learn from books (like at school)
  • Work in a job I don’t like
  • Be scared of what might happen if I don’t have control for 2 seconds

(I sat down with José and Felicia for some tea yesterday, and I was telling them how Ibán asked me where and who I want to be in a year. I had told Ibán that I would think about it, but José told me that I already know what the answer is, but that I have to just feel what I really want. He said that I should make a list of the things I want to do and where I want to be in a year and that I should imagine that there’s an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other one. The devil is the one I should ask for the things I should do to get there, so I would know what NOT to do. This makes it easier for me to realize how I want to change my current situation.)

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