One week ago I was laying in the Red Sea in Egypt. And guess what? I wasn’t alone; I was swimming with dolphins!!!! Oh my god I had such an amazing time! Every day we could swim for about 4 hours with them. With swimming I mean singing, dancing, playing and connecting ;P. I learned so much since they’re making so much contact with you. For example; you can’t touch them (because of bacteria), but once you trust them in that they know how to move in a way that you won’t touch each other, you can swim next to them with less than 1 cm distance. This way there’s soo much more connection with them.
One experience I’d like to share, happened on one of the last days. We were in the water for the 2nd time that day, and the swim we had in the morning wasn’t great for me; I was constantly busy with thoughts and I could feel a lot of resistance. And to make it even more fun; there was also resistance against the resistance. And resistance against that… So in the afternoon I was still kind of in that mood of ‘ugggghhhhhhhh’. I had a bit of a stomach ache and decided to stop swimming and give myself some healing (also because I didn’t feel like constantly following dolphins anymore who were playing with other people). Almost immediately, a few dolphins looked at me, turned around and swam towards me. One dolphin even got on its back and started swimming underneath me. Maybe he would’ve liked some healing? Anyways, I didn’t know, since I was choking on water that came into my snorkling gear. Once I could normally breathe again, I started swimming a bit to where I wanted to go, while feeling the connection I made when I did the healing. And guess what…? The dolphins kept coming towards me! They were sooo close and making contact with me. I got such a deep realization about how that connection I made while doing healing, is just what everything comes from. It’s just the basis of everything. I could feel that once you connect with your heart, there’s this space/love/calmness from where we can see life. Once we can see that this part is what everything actually is, and everything around it is just stories, life gets really, REALLY fun. Because now it doesn’t matter what you do anymore; there’s just that feeling beyond space, time, judgements, worries about money and how everything is going to turn out with life. Everything around it is just stories. And these stories get way more fun when you can consciously choose them. To me, this is freedom. Freedom to choose the stories we live in. This way we can be so free that we can choose not to be free; if I want to feel like shit for a day because I eat shitty food, see shitty stuff and hang out with shitty people, I can choose to do it. If I decide that that’s not something I want to do, I start to feel better. The fun thing is that it doesn’t really matter what you choose, the only difference is the experience. It’s like life is just a gift you get. You can experience being a human and if you want to experience a life with a lot of securities, it’s fine. If you want to live a life without fear, it’s fine. Eventually there’s not really a difference.
I do notice that the more I make a connection with this ‘thing’ where everything comes from, the more I start to live a life where I can be really excited about what I do. I also asked myself why it is that we get sick if it eventually doesn’t really matter what we do. I could see that because of illness I could get more joyful, and I was starting to inspire people more. Sometimes we have some sort of mission which makes us feel good to follow. If we don’t, no problem, we just start to feel shittier and shittier. I can feel how life/god/whatever you’d like to call it, always gives us hints towards what really makes us happy. It’s just our decision if we want to follow these hints.
I think I actually put this feeling into words pretty well (I’m sorry if it’s too deep and you don’t get it, maybe read it again sometime later…?), but I still made a painting of it. Just for fun ;P.
Turning feelings into shapes and colors is like magic! I feel like being a small child with the best coloring book in the world. The only thing is that there are just no lines that I have to draw between. The funny thing is, that half a year ago, when my body was telling me that I was repressing myself as an artist and that it was why I got cancer, I didn’t really understand. Now that I started to paint from feeling and more and more out of rules and judgements, I feel the joy of following my ‘mission’. I really don’t know where all of this will go and what I eventually will be doing, but I placed the intention of following wherever life wants me to go, and I let go. Now it’s just about having fun and seeing where I’ll go ;P.